How to Have A Memorable Conversation

Have you ever wondered how some people can easily generate very memorable conversations?

1. Listen and be interested.
   
   • Make the conversation about the other person. It does not mean that you have to stay quiet all the time - far from it. An interesting conversation is an active exchange of ideas not an interrogation. It is not how often you open your mouth but what comes out of your mouth. It is not enough that you listened but that you listened well.
   • Be ready to listen and be interested. Remember that if you follow these tips you might come across somebody who will want to talk and talk and talk. That’s the hazard of a good listener. Learn when to fold and walk away gracefully. And you don’t even have to wear a tutu!
   • Guide but never manipulate the conversation. Never give a monologue unless you have crew behind you that will hold up the APPLAUSE or LAUGHTER sign at each punch line.
   • If the conversation gravitates to another person and his or her flaws that will be called a gossip. Remember that that third person is not there to defend his or her actions. Indulging in gossip gives fuel to another conversation some other time without you but about you.
   • Enjoy the conversation! It is not a game. It’s an experience that sets rules for future conversations.

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2. Ask and answer questions.
   • Ask questions that require some explanation not just questions that can be answered by a Yes or a No.
   • If you are talking to an acquaintance begin your conversation by inquiring about an experience that you personally would like to talk about. "How did your (trip, vacation, etc)…go?" signals that you remembered your last conversation. There is nothing more disparaging than talking to someone who appears brain dead. Stay away from, "Whatever happened to…?" or anything along that line. That  leads to gossip.
   • If you are talking to a new acquaintance open yourself up by giving your name and not asking back. Begin a conversation with an observation and then a question. Start with a neutral subject. The weather is always an ice-breaker but don’t stay on it. Build from it.
   • Answer questions as you expect your questions to be answered.

3. Let the other person tell his or her story.
   • Resist the impulse to "one-up" their story. Let him or her enjoy or wallow in that moment. If you have a similar story, do not interrupt. "Me too!" works well for toddlers with a limited vocabulary. It can limit your adult conversation.
   • Be engaged in the conversation. If you have to use “Really!” say it with interest. You don’t want to hear a "Really!" with a blank face or knitted eyebrows now, do you? That could mean you’re either somewhere else or too stupid to understand.
   • The annoying "Is that so?" signals that his or her story is so incredulous and unbelievable. That puts the other person on the defensive.
   • Stay on the other person’s subject as long as you possibly can. Let him or her finish the story. You might think skipping to other subjects frequently impresses the other person about your encyclopedic knowledge. It does not. It displays your short attention span. Even bumble bees hop from flower to flower only to look for one thing.

4. Use and read body language.
   • Don’t cross your arms unless you’re in a freezing storm. And if you are your conversation will probably be about survival not niceties. Go somewhere else more comfortable.
   • If you are sitting across on a table lean towards the other person without extending into the other person’s space. If they back off you are in their space like a weed. Be ready for a lawnmower to drown out your conversation.
   • If you tend to drum your fingers when you are bored lay your hand with your wrist slightly showing. Drumming in this position will make you look like your having a spasm. That always gives me second thoughts. I mean about drumming!
   • Clutching your hands together during a conversation can be mistaken for, “I’m so bored. I pray you stop talking!” Keep those hands apart and palms slightly open. A fisted hand holds nothing but a readiness to punch. Good conversations do not end up in a fist fight.
   • Tilt your head slightly towards the other person without falling over. Falling over won’t look good - especially if you are holding a hot cup of coffee.
   • Yawning might invigorate your brain cells. It kills a conversation.
   • Be sincere. You are not reading for the part of Othello. On the other hand a plastered smile will look like your having a brain freeze. Either that or you’re showing off your new dental work.
   • Constant hand movement is very distracting. Keep your hand movement minimal and only when making a point. However, showing off your Kung Fu skills in this venue is not the best way to engage someone in a conversation.
   • Don’t make height an intimidating factor. If you are standing and the person you want to engage in a conversation is sitting, try to get to his or her eye level without appearing to ask for their blessing. Conversely, if you are sitting and the person you want to engage in a conversation is standing, stand up.
   • If you are just so blessedly tall, stay back a few paces so the other person won’t develop a neck cramp talking to you. But not too far enough to make him or her think you have bad breath or body odor.

5. Resist the temptation to solve their problem.
   • Resist especially if they come to you for advice or opinion. This is by far the most difficult. It is human nature to try to help. However, the best help you can do for anyone is to make them come up with the solution.
   • Guide but never manipulate. Begin by asking the obvious. Ask, "How did that happen?" "Why do you think she/he feels that?" "What do you think will be best for you?" Listen and be interested without being overly curious. Read their body language. Use body language.
   • Remember that the conversation is about their problem not about your wisdom. They’re not actually asking for your advice but a asking for your time to listen. And besides, when was the last time you listened to your own advice, anyway?
   • Show concern. Don’t fake it.
   • Bite your tongue without drawing blood. Never ever smirk. And no matter how tempting don’t ever say, "I told you so!"

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