Gossip

"A gossip is a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do as much damage." – Anonymous

"But it’s the truth!" You often hear that as the defense. It starts innocently enough with people sharing information. Then all of the sudden it gravitates to, “Did you know that …” and off it goes. The sharing part is good. But sharing information about another who is not present to explain his or her side is gossip. Don’t deny it. We’ve all indulged in it. And regretfully, sometimes with relish!

Why do we gossip?
Some studies actually say that this is good for the human psyche. If we look at why we gossip, I really do not see how an activity so destructive can be good for anyone?

Well, here are some of the reasons why.

This is where we slip most of the time. It only takes one person to start and then gossip grows.

We sometimes find ourselves drawn into the web of someone else’s misery without ever having to step foot in it. And admit it, relishing every minute of it! Silently gloating, “Thank goodness that did not happen to me!”

“He’s really bad at this. I’m better than him.” “She does this all wrong.” “They did not raise their kids as I raised mine!” Think about it. If we feel good about how our life is we tend to make that a measure of how others should live theirs. Guess what? They feel the same way as you.

When we think so little of ourselves we feel the only way we can feel good about us is to cut others down.

In times of distress we lament, “Why does it always happen to me?” However, in times of relative prosperity do we ask ourselves “Why me?” It is very human to feel we deserve “the good” all the time. But it is our extreme arrogance that makes us feel the “bad times” only happens to others. If we fail to ask ourselves, “Why do I deserve this blessing?” we forfeit the right ask, “Why do I deserve this pain?” Sorrow, just as much as happiness is a personal choice.

This is really pernicious. This is a deliberate and conscious effort to hurt another person borne out hatred, ignorance or jealousy.

Remember that indulging in gossip gives fuel to another conversation some other time without you but ALL ABOUT you. It’s a cycle that is easy to break. How bad can it be? Well, would you want to be fodder for gossip? No? I didn’t think so.

• If you find yourself drawn into such conversations, examine your motivations and work on it. You cannot control the other person’s actions. But you can control yours.
• If gossip starts, change the subject. Be open about being not willing to participate in gossip. You might lose some acquaintances. No big loss however, since these people are the most likely ones who will talk about you.
• Choose alternative and constructive topics. Guide a conversation away from these pitfalls. You will be remembered.
• Be bold. Challenge the facts. Call the subject of the gossip to give their side - in the presence of the gossip. You will lose a gossip and you will also gain a friend.
• If it persists walk away and examine why you are surrounding yourself with these people. Be prepared for a change of scenery. You’ll be relieved of the burden.
• Build. Do not destroy.
• If you gravitate towards those people again and again you may have a problem. Seek professional help.

• The hushed sense of conspiracy.
• Relishing in secret information about others.
• Someone is waving the gossip flag: “I don’t repeat gossip, so listen very carefully!”
• When you are there you will know it. It is dark and destructive.

We all want to be a part of a lively conversation. Talking “behind one’s back” should not be taken up as a sport.

Is there a good gossip? If you talk about people in a positive way what good would that do unless that person hears it personally.

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